Slut! Whore! Female Empowerment!

Don't you just love it when some ex decides to inform you (apparently for your own good) that you are a slut (apparently NOW that he's 'the ex,' it's a bad thing)?

So I'm wondering, what, exactly, makes a woman a slut or a whore as compared to, say, Carrie Bradshaw?

Inquiring minds want to know. So I inquired. Admittedly, my focus group is not much of a focus group, and many responses included, "I dunno," as well as the ever so ubiquitous "I hate that term! Why are women "sluts" and men "pimps" and blah blah blah....."

One person I knew has now started reciting the latter. Which is funny, because a few years ago, this chick seemed to thing anyone you screwed that you weren't in a long-term relationship with counted towards you being a slut. I'm not sure what caused this change in perception. Perhaps it's maturity. Perhaps it's cynicism. Perhaps it's the post-long term relationship fuck-fest she engaged in recently.

Which I admit, I loved. There's nothing I enjoy more than a moral fortitude thrown out the proverbial window. I don't agree with the motivations behind it (liberation, my ass), but I do admit I have a shallow side. Still waters run deep but I'm like white-water rapids with ADHD. So, when a point of criticism for me becomes a point of hypocrisy for said critic, fucktastic.

Another friend stated to me, "You know, I've noticed that the friends who are successful, I see as strong women. The friends who aren't successful, I see as sluts. I know that's wrong." Uh, considering that in your POV, I'm wildly unsuccessful, you just called me a 'ho. That's all kinds of fucked up. I can read between the lines, dammit.

But then again, this is a person who once dated a guy solely so he would not be a one-night stand. And this guy was a fucktard. I'll admit, I've had one-night stands. I've had sex on the first date. I also tend to go anywhere from months to years without sex, so by the time I actually allow myself to become interested in a guy, I am ready to tie him up and ride him into a coma.

So, according to my friends' perceptions, I am a slut. Or they "dunno." But they all "totally hate that word."

For a gender whose majority will claim they hate the use of the term "slut," we can use the hell out of it, can't we?

Guy breaks up with you for another girl? Slut. Girl breaks the heart of someone you care about? Slut. Girl somehow hurts you or someone you care about and any type of sexuality is involved (but not always)? Slut.

We're all guilty of it, even me. And apparently, I'm an uberwhore. Hypocrisy is fun though, huh?

I have gone longer periods without sex than anyone I've ever met (and yes, I think it's sad too). I've had less sex than anyone I know, just with more partners (although, I'm nowhere near the Sex & the City chicks...not even Charlotte. Probably not even Miranda's Catholic cleaning lady). I've never even had a long-term relationship (do you understand now how I can possibly go long periods of time without sex?).

But, I've never stayed with an abusive or crappy boyfriend. I've never judged a friend for her sexual experiences (okay, maybe a few frienemies). I've never kept having bad sex just so my actions couldn't be called a one-night stand.

So I'm a slut. But I'm not a stupid silly girl more concerned with others' opinions than my own common sense.