Graceful. Less swan, more pregnant goose.

Ow.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. That's all I have to say.

My legs and hips are killing me right now. You see, I decided to try a new mode of descent. I went down the stairs face first and on my stomach. I didn't fall down the stairs...I bellyflopped.

For whatever reason, in the dark, I seriously misunderestimated the number of steps. As in, I started walking when I was only halfway down. You know those old Looney Tunes where Wiley E. Coyote goes off the cliff, but doesn't fall until he realizes he's not on the ground anymore? Yeah. I'm pretty sure I was levitating there for a moment.

In the next moment, I fell completely forward. I hit the edge of the step with my knees, and actually slid down on my knees for a bit. Then gravity kicked in, and I went face first. It was like I was Hank Aaron sliding into home. Except I slid into the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs.

So I feel thoroughly crappy right about now. I'm just hoping I don't have to break down and go to the ER. I can't turn my right foot, and the muscles hurt like hell all the way up to my thigh. Unfortunately, I have to take this as yet further evidence that a career in ballet will probably not work out for me. I'm like Screech from 'Saved By the Bell.' I run into things and fall while walking. I have a visual image of me on Dancing With the Stars. It's in a newspaper. Along with the headline, "Freak Accident on Set kills 8, maims 12."

But I would make a fucking' hilarious sidekick.